Dear Advertising Agency & Consultant,

You are chocolate covered ice cream in a jacuzzi inside a bigger jacuzzi. You’re a golden trampoline with disco lights on a beach in Ibiza. It has been so much fun but I’m sorry it is over between us.

I want you to know it is not you, it’s me. I still love your childish ways, it is fun to watch all the cool things you do but I have grown up and you have not. How long did you expect me to tell clients that the best way to cut through the noise was to make more noise, more ads, and more posts? How long do you think we could praise campaigns while the brand loses market share?

You rewarded campaigns like “Fearless Girl” as one of the best campaigns ever, even though the client increased revenue by only $45,000 for the year. It’s like you believe the best way to cure a headache is via magician because magicians make things disappear. It is creative and funny to watch but WTF. Your solution is always a TV, print, digital and you practically ignore the 100s of other interactions people have with the brand. Now you started sleeping around with the big financial consultancies but they are just repeating the same thing you have said for years, MAKE MORE NOISE TO BREAK THROUGH THE NOISE. You know better, you know this makes no sense.  I don’t know what happened because you are smarter than that. I wish you would evolve but sadly you haven’t.

I’m different now, I’ve closed 23 out of 24 pitches last year. Not because we win a ton of creative awards but because our solutions make sense to the CEO, CMO, and the CFO. We provide a solution and always aim at a specific financial outcome. They are loving us from all over the world. I will not be coming back. Hope you’re not mad and we can still be friends.